Sloppy Wet Kiss

I recently read an article about the controversy over the worship song “How He Loves Us” and how the author used the phrase “Sloppy wet kiss” to describe the messiness of how Heaven meets earth, like a dog licking you: you feel gross but a strange bond and love with your dog.  And that’s exactly how I felt about last week’s church service. (Except, I don’t like dogs lol)

We went to go speak at a more rural church in a village called Bonite.  The people were lovely.

Warm.

Hospitable.

Passionate Worshippers.

God’s presence was very strong amidst the teeny church with dirt floors and dung-made walls.  Several of our Global Effect team members were present and it brought me pure joy to worship alongside such beautiful people and model what Heaven’s worship will be like to my little Zoey.  

Every time we go to a church, Zoey gets passed around, which doesn’t bother me too much.  I have eagle eyes on her the whole time.  The people LOVE to hold her.  This keeps her entertained and allows me to speak at churches without feeling totally scatterbrained while holding Zoey.

But this week… 

Emotions hit me like waves; a heavy tide headed my way.  Toward the middle of the service, I took Zoey outside to keep her busy. With my diaper bag in hand I pulled out my “survival kit” aka snacks (papaya and pineapple).  It felt awkward as some of the children rushed out to watch me feed her (I was trying to avoid that by going outside).  Because, I didn’t know if these children were hungry, expecting some treats, etc. I didn’t have any to offer them, nor was it really appropriate for me to do so.  

Then the two cutest little girls, bless their souls, started following me around, trying to touch Zoey’s pale skin.  Which was fine at first…but it came to a point where they were tugging on her so much that she was getting mad and I couldn’t escape: I felt claustrophobic.  Then, the waves started crashing on me.  I had felt joy and peace up until now. 

I looked into the church and saw our team praying and the church members praying for healing (we like Tanzanians to know that they can be used for healings just as much as us) and I got a sense of jealousy.  I USED to be able to participate in things like that…my heart is so passionate to see people healed and experience freedom and empowerment.

Mark saw my expression of “HELP!” and came to hold Zoey and told me the time and that the service was far from over.  As you can imagine, it had been 2 1/2 hours already and I stupidly forgot Zoey’s lunch.  So then I broke down crying, not knowing when I could get my baby girl home, worrying if the people we were giving a ride home would be annoyed with this mother bear when I planned on leaving IMMEDIATELY after service….no socializing allowed.  For crying out loud, Zoey is starving.to.death right?  (Oh, how dramatic we can feel in the moment!)

So I went a little crazy in my head.  

But God flooded me with grace.  I was able to leave before the service ended, had only one teammate with me who was happy to leave early, and although our car sounded like it was going to literally die any second, we made it home sound and safe.  

I never imagined how hard it would be to bring my Zoey with me to church services here…the emotional roller coaster threw me for a loop.  But on my drive home, I reflected on my feelings because I felt guilty for thinking of my daughter first.  I used to want to love on all of the children in places like this…and I was still able to.  But I felt like God reassured me that it’s a good thing that I want to put Zoey first.  In fact, I then remembered as I began to see things clearly that I don’t want to raise a child who resented her parents or God for taking care of others before taking care of her.  

Heaven was brought down as people were healed of physical illnesses, but at the same moments, life was messy for some of us.

I’m so thankful for the slobber from these "sloppy wet kisses," and although there are times I want to just run away to avoid it, God reminds me to loosen up and find the beauty in it...

and then I can wipe my cheek clean ;)