"What if I have a migraine today...tomorrow...next week. How will I take care of Zoey if so?
Should I hang out with my friend next Friday, even though I have had a pattern of migraines every Friday?
What if I am never healed of them and I have to live the rest of my life with them? Then how can I be a good mother to my sweet girl? Can I face having another child when my pain got worse during my first pregnancy?
What if my migraines get worse in Tanzania? How then can God use me?"
I could go on and on with the list that is in my head. I have had fears of other little silly things, like missing Zoey's bed time (and I'm not a hardcore scheduled person) in fear that the stress of it might bring on a migraine.
But the truth of the matter is that living in the land of "what if's" can be more crippling than any migraine.
Recently, the Lord has placed on my heart the story of Moses, where God asks him to go free the Israelites from slavery, but Moses objects to God. I've learned that his lack of trust in God to use him, even with his imperfections, is something I can relate to. God's response to Moses astounds me "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I the Lord?
So I've decided I need to release the fear to God and allow Him teach me to trust Him through it all.
The reality is that my life really isn't that hard, especially compared to some of my amazing friends who live with joy, despite truly crippling sicknesses and circumstances. These friends truly inspire me and remind me to CHOOSE JOY! And God has been so good to me and helped me through every migraine to this day, in so many random ways!
Lord, may I walk in faith, knowing that I can trust you no matter my circumstances. Strengthen and heal me, both spiritually and physically, so that I can be used by you.
P.S. I don't intend this post to be a sob story, seeking advice for my migraines nor for it to be a theological discussion. I'm just sharing my life with you all...the pieces of me that are hard to tell when others ask me briefly how I'm doing.
I love this post and its transparency. I have that exact painting that Mark did by the door to my house, so that every day I remember to choose joy. You are a lovely woman Britt and I pray that God continues to decrease your fear and increase your peace in Him!
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