That time when I walked a ½ mile in the rain to feed my baby girl!

Holding my beautiful baby girl is one the most precious gifts…especially when she is wire-free and being loved on by her big sister who missed out on bonding time with her. I just can’t believe it’s been a week since we were released from the NICU…even harder to believe that we thought we might lose her almost 3 weeks ago when we brought her to urgent care thinking she had a minor issue. I don’t want to go into all of the nitty gritty details of our experience. Just sharing mine and my husband’s thoughts and reflections. I can honestly say that this was the scariest experience of my life. Those of you who have had their little one{s} in the hospital can understand the emotional roller coaster you experience…especially when you are a post-partum mom recovering from labor. One minute you feel strong and like you’ve got it together, then BAMMM!!! The bucket of tears just pour out of you. Then you find something to make you laugh. It’s crazy exhausting. Yet, through it all, we saw Jesus loving our family and taking care of each little detail that we hadn’t thought through or didn’t have the strength to get through. We have never leaned on Him more and are so thankful for the “Grace” He has given us…both metaphorically and personally {our baby’s name is Grace}! While Gracie was in the hospital, my husband and I had to juggle spending time with our oldest {Zoey} and holding our sick little girl, meeting with doctors, and breastfeeding her every 2 to 3 hours. Needless to say, we got little to no sleep and my body was forced to heal quickly from labor because I had a lot of walking to do back and forth between the hospital and Ronald McDonald House. What a blessing it was to be so close though and to have somewhat of a routine and quality time with our toddler. Well I’d like to say that since being back at home that it has been a walk in the park…but that’s not reality. While it’s been so wonderful to have and hold our baby girl and be back to “normal” life, we are still adjusting to being a family of four, going to doctors appointments almost daily, and Mark and I have had health issues of our own: we’ve both had migraines and I have an infected lymph node in my armpit that I’ve been on meds for. We haven’t had too much time to recover from it all, but once again God is meeting our needs and providing so much for us. His goodness shines through our weaknesses. Here’s to a rough start, but a bright future! May the Lord continue to shine through our lives and use us to encourage and bless others, and to walk alongside others through their hardships. PS…I must give a shout out to my husband who has been there for his girls. We have leaned on eachother A LOT these past few weeks and I’m so thankful for the wonderful man he is. Thank you Mark for loving me through the good times and the bad, telling me I look beautiful when I look a wreck! You are such a blessing and I love you so much!

It's the final Countdown!

It’s crazy how time just passes by so quickly.  I’m already at the point where I could go into labor any day now…38 weeks!  CRAZY!!!  So much has happened since we arrived in California, and I’ve been meaning to share my experiences so you can get a glimpse into this wild ride of ours!  This isn’t a blog completely about my pregnancy, but let’s be honest…that is the main focus of our family’s world these days so it’s mostly just about that!

We hit the ground running trying to find a natural birth location for me to deliver Gracie at.  We have a wonderful friend who is my doula and did research for me while I had limited Internet in TZ.  My prenatal care in Tanzania was so minimal that I didn’t have any testing/screenings done there and have no records to show any doctors here. 

So with straightening out my insurance and finding a place the first week, I thought I had things all settled and was on my way, but days turned into weeks with delays from the birthing center I had chosen and they weren’t getting back to me.  They kept delaying my first visit until 1 month later I FINALLY just chose to find a different birthing center.  By this time I was already at 36 weeks and didn’t think they would accept me [All other doctors’ offices turned me away because I was too far along and I was told over and over that I will just have to wait until I’m in labor and I can show up to any hospital to deliver].

After my last birthing experience in a hospital, I was determined this time to find a natural place where I could labor and deliver in a tub.  My dream has been to have a water birth.  So this was really heartbreaking to me, but I was trusting the Lord. 

So here I am now, able to share that God has been so gracious to me in finding a wonderful birthing center that not only made every exception for me, but got me in quickly with midwife visits, testing done, AND they specialize in waterbirth!  Amazing, right?  They even accept my insurance.  After several visits now I can say that my pregnancy is considered completely low risk and all of my tests were negative so I’m just praying that God will continue to keep Gracie and I healthy and that I will get to deliver the way I want, not how a doctor wants. 

FYI: I know that I have little control over things and if complications arise, I’m at peace with interventions for emergencies and definitely never judge other women for the way their labor goes!

While our lives have been focused on taking care of all this, with endless phone calls and many appointments to catch me up, we have managed to feel at home here in Fallbrook, CA. A wonderful couple opened up their back house for us [they have this place set apart especially for other missionaries which is incredible].   We’ve been so blessed to have a place to ourselves without the stress of parenting in someone else’s home and worrying about noise and behavior. 

However, things are up in the air with how long we are able to stay after the baby is born due to the next missionary’s situation, who may or may not be able to make it in the time they thought.  It’s a long story, but this puts us in a place of possibly needing to move out sometime in November…  So if you have a space available or know of someone who has a back house for our family for a few months, we would LOVE to hear from you.  Although we feel peace, there are temptations of feeling anxious about not only having a baby soon, but also having to move into someone else’s space with a toddler and a newborn.  Please pray for us and our situation and let us know if you have any leads! 

With all of the busyness, it has definitely been an emotional roller coaster, especially for this preggers.  Lately, Mark and I have been so torn in our feelings about loving another child besides Zoey lol, which I know is totally normal.  Zoey has blossomed SOOOO much in the last few months and is a blast to be around and such a love bug that it’s been hard to imagine another one joining us.  It sounds funny, but I even feel like I’m betraying Zoey for having another baby in her “old home,” aka my womb!  But we know that once we hold little Gracie, we’ll be filled with so much love and can’t imagine life without her. 

In the meantime we’ve had quality time with our families and have had a few adventures of our own.  Along with all of the fun, we have been meeting with other Global-effect members, practicing our Swahili, connecting with supporters and prepping for our move back and ministry that awaits us. Mark has been so wonderful, putting a lot of work hours and communication stuff in late at night so he can be fully present with his girls in the daytime… he amazes me!

Please pray for our transition from a family of 3 to 4 and that we find a place to stay and feel welcome for the rest of our time here in California.  Thank you all for your love and support! 

My pregger brain forgot Zoey's bathing suit lol!

Daddy/Daughter time is so precious!

Mark and I have dance parties with Zoey to get our exercise on!

Baby Moon: A Time for Reflection & Renewal

Mark and I got to spend our first night away from Zoey…well actually TWO nights, this past weekend.  While the grandparents got to enjoy some quality time with her, we were able to getaway and spend some much needed quality time with each other.

Sure, we missed her and talked about her A LOT, looking at pictures at night of our adorable little gift from God.  But it was strange how much we realized our lives have changed since having her.  Our brains our constantly aware of what needs to be taken care in every moment: diaper changing, snack time, keeping her from killing herself on that cliff…ya know the usual.  Your brains never have a chance to shut off.  And this is just with ONE.

Soon we will have two and it will be even harder.  So this was much needed time for us as a couple, to remind ourselves of one another, our love that started it all, and to just have some FUN!  Walking the streets of San Diego at night, past 7, seemed crazy.  We almost forgot that life continued outside the home after Zoey’s bedtime.  In Tanzania, there’s really nothing to go do at night so we usually stay in.

Beyond our time of refreshment with one another, though, I was able to have some quality time with Lord that I haven’t had in a while.  I had one of those Aha! Moments where I didn’t realize how much I have missed time with Him until I was there alone, with no distractions.  It felt SOOOO good.

I spent some time reflecting on this past year and realized that it was harder than I even thought while I was in the midst of it.  Don’t get me wrong, it was a good first year in a new country, new culture, learning a new language.  But it was really tough too.  Mark even mentioned to me that I have been laughing a lot more since we’ve been back.  I won’t go into the details of what made it so hard…that’s for another time.

I also took advantage of some quiet reading time as I had found a book left here in our storage called Spiritual Parenting.  As I was reading it from the perspective of raising our own children, God started to spark new flames in my heart a passion for teaching families in Tanzania the importance of their spiritual influence on their children’s lives and what discipleship can look like.  Children are often left to discover these things on their own in their culture and the teaching is left to others.  But I have a new desire to see Pastors and leaders providing resources to their church/community members and beyond on how to raise their children beyond the day to day tasks, but to raise them to have faith in the Lord. 

The family unit is the beginning of social change because children who are raised in healthy homes have a chance to contribute to the much needed healing in our broken world.  This is something I had never thought about…I always focused on meeting people’s immediate needs for sustainable jobs, employment, physical health, etc, which are all great things.  But the Lord has stirred in me a much needed renewal of passion for his people.  And ALL of this because Mark and I got to have some space for just the two of us without Zoey!

Which reminded me of the one of the most important lessons we must learn as parents: if we don’t take the time to renew and grow spiritually, how are we able to teach our children to do the same?  We are separate beings from our children who need love and care from our heavenly father.  

So all you moms out there that feel guilty for taking time away from your children, thinking it’s a luxury that’s just not possible…MAKE IT HAPPEN and stop feeling guilt!  We need it, our children need it, our families need it, and the Lord needs it!

Here’s to our soon-to-be family of FOUR!  May the Lord keep us close to His heart and provide many opportunities for us to abide in His word as we hope and pray to pass along a passion for His name to the many generations to come.

A Family Update

As many of you have seen or heard, our little Zoey fractured her leg and is now wearing a cast.  All it took was a simple fall a week ago for it to happen.  She immediately went back to crawling because of the pain she felt every time she put her foot on the ground.   If it weren’t for my aunt, we wouldn’t have pushed to get x-rays because we assumed it was minor and that she was more afraid than anything.

It’s so weird watching your little 1 year old as a cast is put on her leg, when neither Mark or I have experienced this for ourselves.

It’s been difficult trying to go to different appointments, as our car has been broken down for the week, but we have wonderful friends who have been our taxis and helped us out. 

We also had a great experience with all of the doctors and technicians involved as they were so caring and loving towards Zoey, which eased our minds as parents.  Her attitude and playfulness also helped us keep our strength, along with God’s overwhelming love and grace for us. 

As far as my pregnancy goes, I am doing much better with less nausea throughout the week and a little more energy and strength.. I even manage to get a few workouts done during the week.  I am now at 15 weeks, give or take a little. My only struggle now is my migraines, which come exactly every 10 days, but fortunately they are at least predictable and are usually at night so I can at least rest in bed.

Mark has also had many migraines that have lasted for 3 or more days at a time, on his left side from shoulder and neck pain.  We hope to get things checked out in the states because I’m thinking it’s a pinched nerve.  We could definitely use your prayers for his health, along with the rest of us. 

In spite of his health, Mark has been doing some amazing things, speaking into people’s lives at churches, encouraging pastors at their bi-weekly meetings, helping build the girl’s home and being and interim administrator at Hope International School.

Amidst the craziness, God is still moving and using us even when we don’t recognize it.  While I get tunnel vision during the hard times, I look back throughout our lives and see how awesome God is. We serve a mighty God and I don’t want to ever forget that!

Tales of a Pregnant Woman Living Abroad: Part 1

Here I am, eating cold mac and cheese leftovers and I just can’t help but think about how unmotivated I’ve been lately…to do really ANYTHING, to be quite honest.  Hence, the lack of posts recently.  

This pregnancy had a rough start.  To start off, the day I found out we were going to have another baby was Valentines Day, which was so awesome…but I had 3 boils under my armpit that were causing tons of pain for the prior week and I couldn’t get any chores done around the house without getting a migraine…my shoulder had been propped up from the pain of my boils because I couldn’t shut my arm, which was the source of my migraines…or so I thought.

Here's a sneak peak of one of our Time Lapse photos!

Then ALL DAY sickness kicked in not but 2 days after I found out and I had several migraines…needless to say I threw up a ton.  So, my survival mode kicked in as I just laid on the couch while Zoey would play in the living room.  Most ideals went out the window as I started making peanut butter and honey sandwiches for Zoey, watching movies with her daily while I lived off of coke and chips. 

The heat has been inescapable and electricity has been very poor, so I’m lucky to have a working fan at night when it's working, which I am completely dependent on for a good night’s sleep.  And to top it off, none of the foods I have been craving are available here…NONE!  Yes, I could make some, but with my nausea, that ain't happening.

Oh yeah, cleaning mushy, poopy diapers while trying not to throw up is a memory I hope to forget someday lol!

But….I’m beginning to see a beam of light at the end of this tunnel. And it feels wonderful to have some energy and a little of an appetite. Sure my migraines are worse and more frequent, but at least I can have some good days in between.

And I do have to add that while I thought having a 1 year-old while pregnant would be more of a challenge than anything, I have found Zoey to be my joy MOST days. She has such a fun, vibrant personality, with of course the common tantrum here and there, but I've loved being able to put more focus on her and less on me.  I just hate having her see me throw up...not my proudest moments.

Reflecting back, I’m always disappointed with my attitude in the midst of the pain.  I don’t know why I always feel grumpy and sorry for myself when I have so much to be thankful for.  So here’s to a new trimester…may the Lord strengthen me and help me to choose Joy in the everyday little things, while reminding me of all of the good things He is doing!

BRING IT ON!!!

P.S. I want to mention that I am so very aware of the hardships that Tanzanian women must face here when pregnant and my heart aches for them.  I don't think I have it harder, but felt some would like to hear the perspective of a pregnant expat in Tanzania.