10 Things I Do in Tanzania that I NEVER did in California!

I’ve been reflecting on how natural certain projects and routines have become to me, and then I realized it...  I’m a Crunchy Mom/Missionary.  If you’ve never heard that term, then don’t worry about it haha!

Without even meaning to, I’ve become a lot healthier and more natural than I’ve ever been or imagined being. So I’ve decided to share a list of just some of the things I do here in Tanzania that I never did in California - not out of necessity really, but more out of frugality.  

I want to make it clear that other women here don’t necessarily do the things that I do, and don’t really have to…these are simply my choices and ways of saving money.  I don’t want to give the impression that we rough it here so much that we have to make our own butter or anything…although some choose to (we're all learning our way forward which is great). Contrary to many people’s ideas of Tanzania (or Africa in general), many things are readily available in the cities, but they often come at a high cost (literally expensive). 

Okay, enough on that, let’s get to the good stuff. In no particular order:

1. Cut my own hair… 
9 inches to be exact.  There is a missionary here who is a hairstylist, but she was out of the country and I needed a cut desperately, so I watched YouTube and BAM… risky I know, but it was worth it.

2. Make a Christmas tree…
bare, empty branches, duct tape (always does the trick), christmas lights, local fabric & ornaments.

3. Boil water for bath time (and some showers)…
we have electric water heaters on our shower heads, but they don’t always work and the electricity has to be on which isn’t consistent at all. 

4. Boil water for dish washing…
no electric heaters on the sink or hot water in the house

5. Make my own face wash…
it’s more natural and cheaper to use ingredients here than ship a ton from the states. (it’s main ingredients are honey and coconut oil)

6. Make shampoo and body wash…
mostly for Zoey because they don’t have natural versions here, so I bought a large bottle of Castille soap in liquid and make it myself…saved room for the move here.

7. Use cloth menstrual pads…
that's right, no tampons here. And they take up too much space in luggage for a year or two’s worth in my opinion.  I NEVER imagined doing this, and I’m aware it seems disgusting…just call me a pioneer woman.  We’ll see how long this lasts lol.

8. Cook spaghetti sauce (and lots of other foods) from scratch…
if you know me, I’m not a big fan of cooking so this is a stretch for me…apple sauce, tomato sauce, cake batter, and the list goes on.

9. Buy milk from a pickup truck…
once a week Zoey and I go bring an empty oil jug and pay to have it filled with local cow’s milk…and then pasteurize it when we get home.

10. Use glass coke bottles for candle holders and decorations…
there’s nothing a little fabric or string can’t cover up and make a cute design…you learn to be creative with little resources, which is my kind of crafting!

There are probably tons more that I just don’t even think about any more…so I’ll leave it for next time.  You may think I’m crazy, but it’s kind of fun to try new things, and I’m glad to be raising Zoey with a more natural lifestyle! 

I'm Putting the Gavel Away!

You have probably noticed by now a pattern or theme to my blog posts of late.  But I've just noticed it now.

I'm learning ALOT about myself, my family, and who God desires me to be, and then going beyond that.  It's such a humbling process, and while I feel I have been a decently self-aware person, I've done little to nothing to develop who I am.  I've used excuse after excuse about how I was raised, but when do we move past that?

NOW!  So my next confession is that I have been such a judgmental person, in particular towards missionaries.  I used to think that a good missionary woman was like GI Jane...strong, tough, could handle living in a little hut with dirt floors, no electricity, and still be very present with the local people, serving them with all of her time and efforts.  Then, at the end of the day, spend all of her energy studying her Bible and doing other spiritual things.  

Never did I imagine myself living in a house with more than one bedroom, electricity working more often than not, having someone help me in the house (I'll save that story for later), and having decent internet.  In fact, I judged missionaries in the past for such things, thinking that they are living such a "comfortable" life and showing off all of their wealth.

Oh, how I'm learning...and I apologize for this attitude, especially to all of my missionary friends.  I've wrestled with guilt for some time now and have discovered through life experiences and wisdom from some east african friends that it's not about what we HAVE, but more about the condition of our HEARTS and how we use it all to love our neighbors.  In the words of a wise Kenyan friend we invited over a few weeks ago: "You could have a very simple, small house and not love and bless others, staying to yourself, or you could have a bigger house and be warm and caring for others. It's about your heart - people will see that."  

The fact is, I could do everything myself here, from scratch, and rough it completely.  I did it in Papua New Guinea for a year.  But does that really make me a good missionary?  Not really.  I was often so exhausted from life, cross-cultural differences, and many other things that I had little energy to invest in others.  But as a mom who has lots to do now, I really appreciate having a home with a few modern amenities that allow me to invest my efforts into more important, more transformational purposes for others. 

I don't know where you are at in your opinions, but please avoid what I have done and take the time to put yourself in other's shoes and remember all of the things they have left behind in order to invest their time, love, and energy into seeing others uplifted and empowered!  Most of all, give them grace, because missionary women are no more perfect and are on the same learning journey that we all are on. 

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

                                                                             ~Matthew 7:1-5

Getting My Priorities Straight

It's been such a long time, it seems, since I sat down and took the time to share my thoughts.  We have been pretty busy, as you can imagine, although it has been at a good pace.  In fact, we are experiencing so much peace since coming to Moshi because we don't feel as if we are in limbo anymore.  Which means, we are planting roots here and feeling at home.

Since having Zoey 11 months ago, I have felt so much anxiety, both with being a new parent and in knowing that we were moving here, leaving family behind.  So much so, that while I did have some joy in the midst of it, I can see now that I lacked joy most of the time and was focusing on the future too much.  I beat myself up many times for not focusing on Zoey enough or not keeping her on track with certain developmental stages.  

But the last month has changed my lifestyle and I can honestly say that a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  Is life really any easier here than it was back in Pasadena?  HECK NO!!! But I feel that God has given me grace and is causing a paradigm shift in my priorities.  

Just two days ago, Mark and I were talking about what God is doing in our lives.  Multitasking by downloading parenting discs onto my itunes, I went to go place them back on the shelf, and was reminded by God that I'm really good at putting all of my energy and time into figuring out how to be a good mom for Zoey...doing lots of research, stressing over decisions, and seeking advice.  But then it was clear to me that I don't put that same effort into being a good daughter...daughter to God the Father.  I know that may sound weird, but I've learned a lot about God through motherhood and my love for Zoey.  I look at her with so much love and just desire her to lay in my arms and let me love on her.  But now I need to learn to be like a baby, resting in my Heavenly Father's arms, enjoying time with Him instead of being busy and doing my own thing.  

So that's it...I need to kick my butt into gear and just take the time.  And though it may not seem like there is time, I am learning from Tanzanians that time is the one thing that there is always more of and things can wait 'til tomorrow.

Day Dreams

We have been here for a little over a month. How time has flown. It just seems like yesterday that we were frantically packing and tidying up last minute necessities for our departure. And yet at the same time, our old life seems so distant, so long ago, as if it were another life.

While settling in to our new home, we have found so much joy…other times we have been frustrated to the point of screaming (when I say “us”, I mean ME). It’s amazing how the smallest details of daily life can bring you to that point.

One petty example is our washing machine that has not been working since we bought it almost 4 weeks ago. In the scheme of things, this sounds spoiled to even complain about. Geese, I mean some people don’t even have that luxury as an option, which I am fully aware of. And yet, I still boil with frustration because I know that I am in desperate need to wash my baby’s cloth diapers.

I don’t want to go down this path of petty complaints and annoyances. Rather, I have rediscovered a lesson that I learned a few years back when living in Papua New Guinea.

In the midst of these situations, I find myself wandering to a distant land which I once called home and think, hmmm…”life was so much easier in Cali. When things were broken, they got fixed. This stuff was so much cheaper in Cali…” Blablablah.

As soon as I step away from myself and clear the dreamy blur effect (like Ralphie on A Christmas Story), I am able to remember reality. Life wasn’t easier in Cali. We faced many struggles which may have looked different, but they were REAL.

My Day Dreaming Face 

I think living abroad, in particular a developing nation such as Tanzania, it is sometimes easy to glamorize our lifestyles we’ve grown comfortable with. Living in a different culture definitely has it’s challenges, but I am praying that God will teach me how to see this place, this way of living, this culture as the norm. The truth is, not a single country is perfect. We all have our problems, a failures, our blindspots. But if we seek God in the midst of these frustrations and challenges, we can discover a hidden beauty that allows us to trust Him and see Him in all countries, cultures, and people groups. I’m certainly not perfect and in much need of grace and love.

Lord, lead me to be patient and to trust you in the mundane, the daily frustrations I face. And help me to see your face and your hands guiding me to extend the same to those around me.

Thriving

I am home…at least it is starting to feel like it!  We have been in Moshi, Tanzania for a little over 2 weeks now and I can’t believe how quickly my emotions have changed from sadness to joy!  Thanks to everyone’s prayers, God is changing my heart attitude and perspective.  

So I have been a busy bee, going in to town to shop for everything we need in our kitchen and everything else we need to make our home functional, get Zoey into a routine, wean her from some of our night feedings, changing her naps from 3 to 2 a day, etc.  And yet somehow God has been giving me strength to get through it all and enjoy some time learning Swahili and how to cook like a Tanzanian.  My first priority here is to take care of my family, but my second priority is to approach this country with humility by laying my pride aside and learning from our friends here.  Tanzanians have so much to teach us about their ways of living and culture. 

This means being laughed at many times because I’m so different from them and do things differently.  But one of the most important lessons I learned from our time in Papua New Guinea  is to be okay with sticking out and looking silly.  People don’t mean to be rude when they laugh.  So instead, I just laugh with them because I DO look silly sometimes and that’s okay.  

Some of my friends have spoken words of encouragement over me, and things are becoming clearer to see that I'm going to THRIVE here...and I've already begun to!

Zoey playing with Mama Salma

Shopping in Moshi

Heading to a Meeting

Praying over the ground as we planted Banana trees!

Dancing with my girl!

Making Maple Leaf cookies with Mama Salma

Making shampoo for Zoey

Mama Salma teaching me to make Chapati

One More!

It’s midnight…and I’m almost going on a week of a few hours of sleep at night.  We’ve arrived to Moshi, Tanzania.  Our new home!

We’ve been planning this transition for 2 years now, and yet it is so much harder than I ever imagined.  I lie here in bed, thinking, I wish I had one more hug from my mom, one more movie with my family, one more run to Trader Joe’s, one more sunset at the beach, one more…one more…one more!!!

But the reality is that there is never enough and there will always be a desire for one more “fill in the blank.”  

So for now, it’s time to embrace what I have and the blessings that the Lord has given me:  a wonderful, encouraging husband, a beautiful, joyful baby girl, a loving, embracing community, and house to call home, and most importantly, I have the love of our Father in Heaven who is with me through it all!

May this transition in my life be full of joy and embrace while I mourn the life that I once knew and engage in the one in my path! 

Fear, Fear Go Away, and Come Again NEVER!!!

Lately I have been letting fear get the best of me...which is just NOT ok.

"What if I have a migraine today...tomorrow...next week.  How will I take care of Zoey if so?

Should I hang out with my friend next Friday, even though I have had a pattern of migraines every Friday?

What if I am never healed of them and I have to live the rest of my life with them?  Then how can I be a good mother to my sweet girl?  Can I face having another child when my pain got worse during my first pregnancy?

What if my migraines get worse in Tanzania?  How then can God use me?"

I could go on and on with the list that is in my head.  I have had fears of other little silly things, like missing Zoey's bed time (and I'm not a hardcore scheduled person) in fear that the stress of it might bring on a migraine.

But the truth of the matter is that living in the land of "what if's" can be more crippling than any migraine.

Recently, the Lord has placed on my heart the story of Moses, where God asks him to go free the Israelites from slavery, but Moses objects to God.  I've learned that his lack of trust in God to use him, even with his imperfections, is something I can relate to.  God's response to Moses astounds me "Who gave man his mouth?  Who makes him deaf or mute?  Who gives him sight or makes him blind?  Is it not I the Lord?

So I've decided I need to release the fear to God and allow Him teach me to trust Him through it all.

The reality is that my life really isn't that hard, especially compared to some of my amazing friends who live with joy, despite truly crippling sicknesses and circumstances.  These friends truly inspire me and remind me to CHOOSE JOY!  And God has been so good to me and helped me through every migraine to this day, in so many random ways!

Lord, may I walk in faith, knowing that I can trust you no matter my circumstances.  Strengthen and heal me, both spiritually and physically, so that I can be used by you.

P.S. I don't intend this post to be a sob story, seeking advice for my migraines nor for it to be a theological discussion.  I'm just sharing my life with you all...the pieces of me that are hard to tell when others ask me briefly how I'm doing.