Since May 19th, 2007, the day of our wedding, Mark and I had decided that we didn't want to have kids. Why, you ask? I can't really explain it. We LOVE children and wanted to always look after them in some sort of capacity, but never had this desire to have our own.
...until August of 2012. We were in Tanzania, Africa at the time, being greeted in Swahili by everyone we crossed paths with. And what was the first thing they would ask? "How many children do you have?" Of course, right? LOL
Children are considered a blessing from God in their culture. So much so, that a woman receives the name of her eldest child (Mama so-and-so).
So this got us thinking about our future, and waves of questions filled our heads...what if we wait too long and we become too old, or what if we can't have children? We knew we would be great parents, whether we felt a strong passion for it or not.
Thus began our journey to parenthood...and here I am, 9 months pregnant, waiting to meet our blessed baby Zoey. It has been such a long, slow process for me to mentally prepare for the moments that lye ahead of me, and it definitely hasn't been easy, nor spontaneously. I had to change my psyche, by talking about babies, in order for the desire and love to come...and I am experiencing it like I never would have believed.
Reflecting on these last 9 months, I find myself full of thanksgiving (which is right around the corner, ironically) for each and every moment...the joyful, and the sorrowful, the beauty and the suffering. I have learn to experience what it truly means to depend on God's strength each day.
My biggest battle through pregnancy has been enduring my migraines: weekly and far worse than before, on top of 24/7 nausea from "morning sickness." However, I have had such a healthy pregnancy otherwise and am able to see God's grace through it all, as I never had to take a single sick day throughout the pregnancy. What a miracle!
I have gained a mother's heart, which I never imagined, and find myself weeping over other's pain and sufferings. I have also faced the fear of suffering through pregnancy and giving labor, and now am not only ready for her arrival, but am looking forward to experiencing a natural birth. This is a huge step for me, but I have seen God's strength in my life over and over again, and believe that He will get me through this process to bring life (Zoey in Greek) to this world.
I'm heading to the final stages of this "Rite of Passage" called motherhood and am completely humbled and in awe of what is yet to come. Lord, be my strength and extend your grace on our family in this season!
"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character
; and character, hope."
Romans 5:3-4
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