So apparently I'm human

It’s no secret that I’m a fairly insecure person…always have been! And not afraid to admit it to people. In fact, I would rather tell people about it then let them discover it for themselves. I’m not sure why.  

It seems throughout my adult life, I have been surrounded by such intelligent, talented, artistic people who really have things all together.  And for some reason, I allow it to remind me of my failures and shortcomings.

Why can’t I just be more organized, a better cook, more adventurous, a more calm mom, not have anxiety with hosting people, BLOG MORE!!! The list goes on and on.  

I mean, I know I’m supposed to have it all together…being a missionary mom.  

But I just… DON’T.

And yet I’m really encouraged, as I’m reading the book “Unqualified” by Steven Furtick.  I’m reminded of the MANY “not good enoughs”, “don’t have it all together” type of people God used to do some pretty amazing things…ummm like Moses who rescued the slaves out of Egypt!  

I really resinate with the idea of being aware of your weaknesses and being transparent about them, but oftentimes feel misunderstood because I’m not the type to cover them up and look as if I’ve got things under control. 

But what I’m really hoping to learn is to not get hung up on my weaknesses and move past them to see that God isn’t bothered by them and can still use me.  Then I can only boast of His awesomeness, rather than my own talents and abilities - I’m the perfect candidate for that. 

So I’m looking forward to being confident in God’s view of me, knowing that life is simply a process of becoming more like Him rather than superhuman-like, Captain Awesome (yup, that was a “Chuck” reference lol)! I also hope that if this resonates with you as well, that we can all grow in this area together! Let me know if it does :)

My theme verse for many years has been:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”          

2 Corinthians12:9-10

I’m learning that this verse not such a bad one to lean on after all.

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Tales of a Pregnant Woman Living Abroad: Part 1

Here I am, eating cold mac and cheese leftovers and I just can’t help but think about how unmotivated I’ve been lately…to do really ANYTHING, to be quite honest.  Hence, the lack of posts recently.  

This pregnancy had a rough start.  To start off, the day I found out we were going to have another baby was Valentines Day, which was so awesome…but I had 3 boils under my armpit that were causing tons of pain for the prior week and I couldn’t get any chores done around the house without getting a migraine…my shoulder had been propped up from the pain of my boils because I couldn’t shut my arm, which was the source of my migraines…or so I thought.

Here's a sneak peak of one of our Time Lapse photos!

Then ALL DAY sickness kicked in not but 2 days after I found out and I had several migraines…needless to say I threw up a ton.  So, my survival mode kicked in as I just laid on the couch while Zoey would play in the living room.  Most ideals went out the window as I started making peanut butter and honey sandwiches for Zoey, watching movies with her daily while I lived off of coke and chips. 

The heat has been inescapable and electricity has been very poor, so I’m lucky to have a working fan at night when it's working, which I am completely dependent on for a good night’s sleep.  And to top it off, none of the foods I have been craving are available here…NONE!  Yes, I could make some, but with my nausea, that ain't happening.

Oh yeah, cleaning mushy, poopy diapers while trying not to throw up is a memory I hope to forget someday lol!

But….I’m beginning to see a beam of light at the end of this tunnel. And it feels wonderful to have some energy and a little of an appetite. Sure my migraines are worse and more frequent, but at least I can have some good days in between.

And I do have to add that while I thought having a 1 year-old while pregnant would be more of a challenge than anything, I have found Zoey to be my joy MOST days. She has such a fun, vibrant personality, with of course the common tantrum here and there, but I've loved being able to put more focus on her and less on me.  I just hate having her see me throw up...not my proudest moments.

Reflecting back, I’m always disappointed with my attitude in the midst of the pain.  I don’t know why I always feel grumpy and sorry for myself when I have so much to be thankful for.  So here’s to a new trimester…may the Lord strengthen me and help me to choose Joy in the everyday little things, while reminding me of all of the good things He is doing!

BRING IT ON!!!

P.S. I want to mention that I am so very aware of the hardships that Tanzanian women must face here when pregnant and my heart aches for them.  I don't think I have it harder, but felt some would like to hear the perspective of a pregnant expat in Tanzania.