So apparently I'm human

It’s no secret that I’m a fairly insecure person…always have been! And not afraid to admit it to people. In fact, I would rather tell people about it then let them discover it for themselves. I’m not sure why.  

It seems throughout my adult life, I have been surrounded by such intelligent, talented, artistic people who really have things all together.  And for some reason, I allow it to remind me of my failures and shortcomings.

Why can’t I just be more organized, a better cook, more adventurous, a more calm mom, not have anxiety with hosting people, BLOG MORE!!! The list goes on and on.  

I mean, I know I’m supposed to have it all together…being a missionary mom.  

But I just… DON’T.

And yet I’m really encouraged, as I’m reading the book “Unqualified” by Steven Furtick.  I’m reminded of the MANY “not good enoughs”, “don’t have it all together” type of people God used to do some pretty amazing things…ummm like Moses who rescued the slaves out of Egypt!  

I really resinate with the idea of being aware of your weaknesses and being transparent about them, but oftentimes feel misunderstood because I’m not the type to cover them up and look as if I’ve got things under control. 

But what I’m really hoping to learn is to not get hung up on my weaknesses and move past them to see that God isn’t bothered by them and can still use me.  Then I can only boast of His awesomeness, rather than my own talents and abilities - I’m the perfect candidate for that. 

So I’m looking forward to being confident in God’s view of me, knowing that life is simply a process of becoming more like Him rather than superhuman-like, Captain Awesome (yup, that was a “Chuck” reference lol)! I also hope that if this resonates with you as well, that we can all grow in this area together! Let me know if it does :)

My theme verse for many years has been:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”          

2 Corinthians12:9-10

I’m learning that this verse not such a bad one to lean on after all.

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Pain for a Purpose

I have an appreciation for people who are real, honest, and sometimes down and dirty with details (by this I mean the messiness of life). So when I was looking for a book to read during my pregnancy, I wanted something raw; stories not often told by people. Because frankly, most people talk about how much they LOVED pregnancy, but I wasn't sure I would feel that way.

Fortunately, I came across the perfect book, "Creating with God: The Holy Confusing Blessedness of Pregnancy" by Sarah Jobe. It is a wonderful blend of the pregnancy horrors, funny moments, and beauty that the author discovered about pregnancy, while describing how God uses women to join Him in Creation. 

I am about half way, but just had to share my favorite chapter so far, called "Suffering and New Life," as I can definitely relate. The author begins with a few gruesome stories of painful experiences during her pregnancy, as well as a few of her friends' stories, some that are funny looking back on...some of which I've experienced myself.  Others, are beyond painful just thinking about, such as a mentor of hers who was paralyzed during her last trimester. 

Because of these stories, Jobe searched references in the Bible to find the word labor and found that "…when the Bible imagines labor, the Bible imagines panting, pain, and death close behind." Several prophets use the pain of pregnancy as a metaphor to describing times of suffering for the people of Israel.  Even in our society, where pain during labor can be reduced, we all know that part of pregnancy is learning to suffer.

But the chapter gets better as the author compares a woman's suffering in giving life to, that of Jesus' sacrifice to bring us eternal life. Now I know…it seems a bit of a stretch and she is by no means placing them both on the same playing field, but it is comforting to think of the pain I have experienced throughout this pregnancy, and will continue to as I head towards the labor table, as just a small piece of sacrifice, similar to Christ's. I'd like to think that through this, I am baring the image of God even more so than usual :) Praise God for this difficult season as I am strengthened and stretched to become more like God!

Welcome to my journey!

I have never been much of a writer...I always saw it as more work than anything. Yet, I have been discovering the true beauty of sharing life in community, preferably face-to-face, but as I transition to another move overseas, I find that online community is essential! So welcome to my journey as I share ideas, thoughts, joyful, goofy and sad moments. 

I desire for Christ to shine through my life as I learn to become more like Him, yet I want to be real and honest with people. Christ never said we would reach perfection in life as soon as we choose to follow His lead, and the truth is I struggle with many imperfections in life...so why not try out life together with others who are the same, who want to share wisdom and failures? 

It is discouraging to me to see social media as a way for many to put on a facade and hide behind the curtain. Rather, let's not be ashamed to be who God created us to be and to share that with others around us. Please join me in this discovery of what it means to be transparent while learning to become like Christ.

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2 Corinthians 3:18

"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."